Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Monsters Under the Bed

Look who showed up in Wisconsin!
We all have our own monsters that hide under the bed or in closets. They aren't always out there for everyone to see, but we all know they're there. They often haunt us when we're lying in bed after a long, exhausting day staring at the ceiling and dwelling on the aftermath of the day. The "am I doing enough" monster has currently taken up residence under my bed, right there next to my slippers. I constantly wonder, sometimes its more of a worry...am I running enough? running fast enough? have I done enough long runs? were my long runs long enough? should I have pushed that hill more? relaxed the downhill? am I spending too much time running? is my running cutting into time I should be doing PT with James? am I hurting James by running? am I doing the right PT? should he have more private therapy? should I quit work so I can do therapy with him all day? should he have a private speech therapist? Its endless. 

I have to remind myself to be realistic. Yes running cuts into time I could spend working with James, but he can't just do PT all day. That's totally unrealistic. I'm also a bit crazy if I don't run. I know I'm a better person, a better mom when I run. But sometimes you still second guess yourself. And I know James will learn how to do everything. He's on the James curve. Just like a typical kid you can't push him too hard. He needs to just be a kid too. But sometimes I still doubt myself. I never want to be what is holding him back.

I also remind myself everything in moderation. I can't run 100s all the time. But one a year...okay as I write that I do feel a bit crazy...did I just say running one 100 mile race a year is moderation? I still have my downtimes from training in the winter. While some weeks it is so hard not to run as many miles, I know I need those weeks mentally, physically and to spend more time with James. That way it makes up for the weekends I run all weekend. Are all of James' toys helping him? Probably not. Sure I know there are PTs who say the bumbo is terrible for our kids. But really 5-10 min a day isn't going to ruin his ability to sit for the rest of his life. I'll get there, just like James will. We'll meet at 6th and Harrison on August 18th. No James won't be walking to the finish line to see me, not this year, but that's okay. One day he will walk up to me as I finish another 100 for RDS and he'll give me one of his famous monkey hugs and that just might be one of the best days ever. I can't stress on how or when we'll get there, but we will.
James making progress with some peas

Week January 14-20

Miles Running: 17.8
Hours Running and Hiking: 3

2 comments:

  1. OH man, I have those SAME monsters. I call it Mommy guilt...and I think everyone gets it -- working moms, stay at home moms, in between moms, just MOMS.

    You have the most positive and upbeat attitude, Sio! Thanks for being a ray of sunshine in this world!

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    1. Thanks for reassuring me that its not just me!

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